A recent poll revealed that 99.9% of Americans consider ice cream cones on a hot summer day the great national equalizer, and any dissenter should probably check the authenticity of their birth certificate. The other .01% came around to the stipulation "especially when enjoyed near a body of water." Do... (show more)

A recent poll revealed that 99.9% of Americans consider ice cream cones on a hot summer day the great national equalizer, and any dissenter should probably check the authenticity of their birth certificate. The other .01% came around to the stipulation "especially when enjoyed near a body of water." Do your country a service and march over to Ben & Jerry's at Calhoun Commons for a liberal helping of the iconic frozen dessert brand at a conservative price: Pay $5 and get $10 to spend on ice cream and ice cream cakes. You're given the individual freedom to choose from a spectrum of flavor combinations and how you want your scoop(s) served. The only debate will be whether to eat inside the shop or to go on a stroll around Lake Calhoun. If you settle on the latter, make it quick so those flavors don't run -- but don't worry, it's absolutely American to suck 'em off your shirt.